The Starfish Menace Is Real!
The first Starfish attacks were reported in Rome by Dickus Maximus in 3BC. It took 3 entire legions to bring the menace under control. Little was heard from the Starfish community since those dark and troubled times. However those days are over. In the last 3 months there have been over 33 Starfish attacks on humans due to global warming, solar flares and underwater broadcasts of American Idol. These yellow devils have evolved to march out of the sea and attack humans on land! The government has doubled the number of SEAL Teams in hopes of stopping the Starfish menace before the media takes notice. I fear it may be too little too late. Please stay aware of your surroundings, especially near any water. Carry 3 packets of iodized salt and a whistle. Qucik thinking could save lives, maybe your own.