Dumbass News stories

Stillwater 10-year-old takes family minivan to buy Cheerios

This is the second time in a week that a 10-year-old in the metro area has absconded with a family vehicle. Get the full story HERE.

Waterloo man used riding mower as getaway vehicle in two crimes

A Waterloo man used a riding mower as a getaway vehicle after breaking into a garage, according to police. Get the full story HERE.

Elmo doll defiled by home inspector, filmed by nursery camera: cops

A Michigan home inspector was filmed molesting a stuffed version of Sesame Street character Elmo while on the job. Get the full story HERE.

Woman with the world’s longest nails cuts them after nearly 30 years

The Texan who had the world’s longest nails grown by a woman can finally open a door without fear after cutting them. Get the full story HERE.

‘Mrs Sri Lanka’ beauty queen injured in on-stage bust-up

The winner of a major Sri Lankan beauty prize has suffered head injuries after a brawl broke out on stage. Get the full story HERE.

Driver slams through front of Maryland Taco Bell during heated fight

An argument outside a Taco Bell in Maryland became a little too spicy when a driver plowed into a crowd of people — then crashed through a glass door into the restaurant, according to a video. Get the full story HERE.

‘I spent $15,000’: Man arrested at Disney resort in Florida after refusing temperature check

Body camera video showed the man refusing to leave Disney Springs in Orlando, arguing about how much he had spent and claiming to be a Disney stockholder. Get the full story HERE.

Man Charged With ‘Molesting’ Alligator After Alarming Image Circles the Internet

A photo posted to Facebook by South Carolina’s Fripp Island Golf & Beach Resort is drawing attention online due to the dangerous, and strange, act it depicts. Get the full story HERE.

Tax preparer allegedly pulls gun on clients who had complaints about filings

A tax preparer in Houston faces multiple charges for allegedly pulling a gun on a customer and attacking another after they noticed issues with their tax returns. Get the full story HERE.

Man Goes On Rampage At Antelope Wingstop Over Botched Order

In a video captured by a witness, a man can be heard saying, “I don’t want the food, I don’t have time to wait on the food again, so now what do we do?” Get the full story HERE.

Surgical Residents Caught Playing The Price Is Right With People’s Body Parts During Operations

Deadline reports that social media photos on Instagram have shown doctors playing a game segment called “Guess The Weight.” Get the full story HERE.

Woman Assaults 13 Year Old Boy @ Mt. Snow, Vermont

The woman had allegedly gotten out of her skis to film her friend hit a rail and was physically obstructing it so others couldn’t hit it while her friend took the lift up. Get the full story HERE.

Woman feels ‘discriminated’ over lack of meat-free meals at KFC

A woman says she felt “discriminated” after visiting a KFC store in Exeter and being told there were no meat-free options available. Get the full story HERE.

Mysterious odor caused by BB pellet stuck in teen’s nose for 8 years

A teen who had experienced years of nasal congestion along with a mysterious “foul odor” when he blew his nose turned out to have a BB gun pellet lodged in his nose, which had been there for about eight years, according to a new report. Get the full story HERE.

Burglar busted thanks to Cheeto dust on her teeth: cops

A woman was busted for a home invasion in Oklahoma — thanks in part to “Cheeto dust” found in her teeth, authorities allege. Get the full story HERE.

Cat Attacks Pilot, Forcing Plane To Make Emergency Landing

A mid-air ‘catastrophe’ unfolded on Wednesday when a stowaway cat attacked a pilot, forcing him to make an emergency landing. Get the full story HERE.

Pastor tells women to look pretty or husbands will stray in sermon to Missouri church

A Missouri pastor is on leave after delivering a sermon telling women to lose weight and submit to the sexual desires of their husbands to keep them from straying. Get the full story HERE.

Pastor: I Don’t Fart, I Heal

Get the full story HERE.

Man hospitalized with ‘3-day erection’ after taking bull sex stimulant

A man in Mexico was hospitalized with an erection that lasted three days after taking a sexual stimulant “used for breeding bulls,” La Republica reports. Get the full story HERE.

Woman says ‘gust of wind’ impregnated her an hour before birth

Indonesian police are investigating the case of a young woman who has claimed she became pregnant by a gust of wind and gave birth an hour later. Get the full story HERE.

Florida couple caught with stolen lamb in pants & purse full of seafood

A couple was caught allegedly stealing lamb and a variety of seafood from a Naples Costco by shoving it in their pants and purse. Get the full story HERE.

New Jersey Man Attempts to Clear Snow with Fire

Rather than use a snow blower, a snow shovel, or de-icing materials like salt, the Midland Park resident opted for something a little more extreme: gasoline and fire. Get the full story HERE.

Two Floridians attempted to get second doses of the Covid-19 vaccine by dressing as elderly women

Two women were caught trying to get second doses of the Covid-19 vaccine by dressing up as “grannies,” the Director of the Florida Department of Health in Orange County said Thursday. Get the full story HERE.

Daughter of Lombardi Trophy designer wants apology from Tom Brady

Tom Brady’s Lombardi Trophy boat throw that went viral Wednesday didn’t go over well with one Fort Myers, Fla., woman, who said the toss was an insult to her family’s legacy. Get the full story HERE.

Boy swallows 54 magnetic balls to see if he turns ‘magnetic’, undergoes live saving surgery

A 12-year-old boy from the UK nearly died after swallowing magnetic balls to see if he could become magnetic. Get the full story HERE.

YouTuber Shot and Killed While Attempting ‘Prank’ Robbery

A 20-year-old man was shot and killed in Nashville, Tennessee on Friday night in what police say was a YouTube video shoot gone wrong. Get the full story HERE.

Tessica Brown Is Reportedly Bound for Beverly Hills, Renowned Plastic Surgeon Set to Undo Gorilla Glued Hairdo

On Tuesday, Page Six reported that Lady Brown was set to travel from Louisiana to the City of Angels (that’s Los Angeles) to see a man about a procedure in an effort to resolve her follicular affliction. Get the full story HERE.

Woman caught smuggling cacti into New Zealand by strapping them to her body

A woman was caught trying to smuggle almost 1,000 cacti and succulents into New Zealand by stuffing them in her stockings and strapping them to her body as she arrived from China. Get the full story HERE.

Woman who went viral for using Gorilla Glue in hair gets treatment at hospital

A Louisiana woman went viral last week for using Gorilla Glue in place of actual hairspray — before finally checking into the hospital on Saturday to get the hardened adhesive removed. Get the full story HERE.

Defendant Hits on Judge in Bail Hearing, Hilariously Strikes Out

Florida man turning on the charm with an attractive judge only to fall flat on his face. Get the full story HERE.

Travelers gobble down 30 kilograms of oranges to save on luggage fees

Get the full story HERE.

Dramatic Rescue Caught On Video After Stamford Police Say Truck Driving Recklessly Sinks In Water During Winter Storm

First responders struggled to save a driver and her passenger from an icy pond in the middle of the nor’easter. Get the full story HERE.

Amid snowstorm, truck falls into water at Cummings Park in Stamford

A truck fell into the harbor at Cummings Park on Monday afternoon after the driver was doing “doughnuts” in the fresh snow in the parking lot, according to Stamford Police. Get the full story HERE.

Neighbor’s request for cup of salt turns into hostage situation

Gunman told 99-year-old neighbor he wanted $50,000. Get the full story HERE.

Video shows Albuquerque man pointing gun at McDonald’s worker over order

The niceties exchanged in the McDonald’s drive-thru did not last long; Surveillance video from the McDonald’s near 98th and Central earlier this month shows 25-year-old Estevan Gonzalez pull up and first tell an employee his burger didn’t have cheese. Get the full story HERE.

Madame Tussauds honors talk show legend Larry King

Madame Tussauds New York has moved their Larry King wax figure to the front lobby and is inviting people to write remembrances of the broadcasting legend in a condolences book. Get the full story HERE.

15 people catch COVID-19 after reportedly attending cat’s birthday party

The birthday kitty did not contract the disease. Get the full story HERE.

Senior citizens waiting for COVID-19 vaccine mistaken for ‘illegal rave’

Cops rushed to a venue in England to break up what they thought was an illegal rave — only to discover it was a crowd of elderly folks waiting to get a coronavirus vaccine, according to reports. Get the full story HERE.

Texas man busted for stealing lingerie and sex toys: cops

A Texas man was busted for allegedly shoplifting $1,100 worth of lingerie and sex toys from an adult store, cops said. Get the full story HERE.

Cops: Couple Tangled Over Testicle Jibe

Curtis McCoy, 46, and his husband of 10 years got into an argument late Sunday evening that “escalated since they have been drinking alcohol.” Get the full story HERE.

Imperial March on a Toaster (2021 Version)

Watch the video HERE.

This Person Picked the Wrong Car to Steal From

Watch the video HERE.

Harrisburg man who got high and naked during his first day at work can’t beat indecent assault conviction

As he stumbled out of the bathroom, he grabbed a female co-worker from behind and kissed her neck. Then he took off his shirt and repeatedly tried to get the woman to kiss him as she yelled for him to get away from her. Get the full story HERE.

Man mistakes moon for UFO, calls police – listen

A man dialled 999 earlier this month to report a UFO in Canterbury before calling back to admit that it was in fact the moon. Get the full story HERE.

Waitress Quits Her Job On The Spot After Anti-Maskers Claim “Religious Exemption” At Denny’s

A video of a Denny’s hostess announcing that she’s quitting after a group of anti-maskers came in claiming religious exemptions to mask mandates (of which there is no such thing) went viral as every working person lived vicariously through her. Get the full story HERE.

Anti-masker stands on Costco clothing display, makes false claims during megaphone rant, video shows

A coronavirus-denying Coscto shopper was filmed standing on a clothing display and spewing his anti-mask rhetoric into a megaphone at a location in Tustin, Calif., on Sunday. Get the full story HERE.

Video shows moment when bridge snaps, plunging beauty queens into pond

New viral video footage captures the dramatic — or hilarious, depending on your perspective — moment a bridge snaps, plunging 30 smiling Miss Thailand contestants into a dirty lagoon. Get the full story HERE.

NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell On Playing Through Covid-19: “We Do Think It’s Safe To Continue”

Despite dozens of positive coronavirus tests and record waves of infection sweeping the country, a pause or shortening of the NFL season is not in the cards, Goodell asserted. Get the full story HERE.

Burping 999 hoax caller is jailed – for a second time

A man who had previously been jailed for repeatedly dialing 999 and burping at police call handlers has been jailed for a second time. Get the full story HERE.

Millions of women don’t know where their own vagina is located

An estimated ¼ of US women don’t know where their vagina is, according to a new poll conducted by OnePoll, which found that 46% of ladies couldn’t point out the cervix, and 59% suggested a different body part when asked to identify the uterus. Get the full story HERE.

Man arrested for creating disturbance in backyard, assaulting officers in Naugatuck

Naugatuck police said they arrested a half dressed man for “humping trees,” screaming, eating branches and assaulting officers. Get the full story HERE.

Florida Man Parks Smart Car in His Kitchen to Protect It from Hurricane Dorian

Patrick Eldridge of Jacksonville, Florida, drove his Smart Fortwo into the house as part of hurricane preparation this week. Get the full story HERE.

Florida man steals downed power pole, drives around with it on his car

A Florida man stole a downed power pole and drove around with it on the roof of his car in Hillsborough County, authorities say. Get the full story HERE.

Clip of pastor laughing that ‘media said Joe Biden’s president’ goes viral

During a service this weekend at Lord of Hosts Church in Omaha, Neb., pastor Kenneth Copeland referenced the election, declaring: “The media said what?! The media said Joe Biden is the president” before exploding in uproarious laughter. Get the full story HERE.

Man who ‘exposed himself’ tells police: ‘I was just airing out my penis’

A homeless man accused of exposing himself outside a shop told police: ‘I was just airing out my penis.’ Get the full story HERE.

Florida driver whips out handgun when asked about his penis size

A Key West man was so insecure about his manhood that he whipped out a gun when a motorist mocked his penis after asking why he revved his Jeep’s engine. Get the full story HERE.

Nicola Sturgeon tells kids ‘Santa is a key worker’ after her top medical advisor warned of ‘digital Christmas’

The First Minister joked National Clinical Director Jason Leitch would be branded The Grinch after he told people in Scotland to plan for a “digital Christmas” this morning. Get the full story HERE.

Man fires shots into home after baby was allegedly called ‘ugly’

A man fired several gunshots into a home in Michigan, United States during a domestic dispute that a witness said started after someone’s baby got called “ugly.” Get the full story HERE.

‘Election Stress Disorder’ Is a Real Thing—Here’s How to Know You Have It

People on both sides of the political divide are feeling tense, anxious, and overwhelmed right now. Get the full story HERE.

Man mauled by leopard behind Davie home; animal’s owner charged

A man who paid $150 for a “full-contact experience” with a black leopard says he had to undergo multiple surgeries after he was mauled by the fully-grown animal in an enclosure behind a Davie home. Get the full story HERE.

Woman in Thailand dresses as zombie to sell dead people’s clothes online

Thai online retailer Kanittha Thongnak has captured a market of thousands by dressing up as a zombie to sell the clothes of dead people in sales streamed live on social media. Get the full story HERE.

Man wearing Burger King crown yells N-word on JetBlue flight

A man in a paper Burger King crown hurled racist slurs at a fellow passenger on a New York-bound JetBlue flight, after accusing her of taking his seat and kneeing him in the stomach, videos show. Get the full story HERE.

Cops: Naked Teen Was Covered In Ranch Dressing

A naked Kansas teenager found covered in ranch dressing may be facing criminal charges following a series of bizarre events early Saturday morning, cops say. Get the full story HERE.

Need Some Beach Tips? Britney Spears Has Got You Covered

Britney Spears took to Instagram on Monday to share her top beach tips as Los Angeles continues to stay warm well into the fall. Get the full story HERE.

Elderly Indian man thought to be dead rescued after family put him in freezer

An elderly Indian man put in a see-through freezer box after his apparent death was pulled out alive — when he was spotted moving after 24 hours in his icy coffin. Get the full story HERE.

Local man stabbed after reported ‘dance off’

Two strangers having a dance off ends with one of them stabbing the other. Get the full story HERE.

Dog eats woman’s engagement ring during photo-op fail, alarming Reddit users

A woman has been admonished on Reddit for trying to pose her engagement ring on her dog’s nose – and shouting in surprise when the pup swallowed the sparkler. Get the full story HERE.

Everything Went Wrong for This Weatherman & It Was Hilarious

“There’s no weather today. It’s canceled.” Get the full story HERE.

Louisiana Catholic priest, 37, is arrested for recording himself having a threesome with two dominatrixes on church altar

The unholy trio was discovered by a passerby who noticed the lights at Saints Peter and Paul Roman Catholic Church were on after hours and called police. Get the full story HERE.

Investor finds $10,000 hidden in home, returns it to former owner

He found five envelopes packed with a total of $10,000. The money was hidden throughout the house, including behind a couch, behind an old photo on a wall and behind a phone on a wall. Get the full story HERE.

Jail Employees Face Charges After Using ‘Baby Shark’ Song to Punish Inmates

Inmates at an Oklahoma jail were handcuffed to a wall and forced to stand and listen to the ubiquitous children’s tune on repeat. Get the full story HERE.

Convicted felon arrested after 4 attempted carjackings, causing crashes on I-4 in Polk Co.

Polk County Sheriff’s Office deputies have arrested a suspect who attempted to carjack four vehicles in the Lake Alfred area and also caused several crashes. Get the full story HERE.

2 California passengers arrested after fighting with American Airlines gate member at MIA

According to police and the airline, the couple wanted to board the plane bound for Los Angeles, but they were told they couldn’t get on, not because they weren’t wearing masks, but because the woman wasn’t wearing shoes. Get the full story HERE.

AJ knew wayyyyy too much about Helen Reddy songs

Helen Reddy dead at age 78. Get the full story HERE.

MTA workers had hidden ‘man cave’ below Grand Central tracks, IG report finds

Three MTA tradesmen allegedly boozed, napped and watched TV inside a secret “man cave” built below the tracks at Grand Central Terminal. Get the full story HERE.

Women charged in incident over mask requirement at Logan football game

One woman is charged with trespassing and resisting arrest after refusing to leave a middle school football game in Logan when she was asked to put on a mask and she refused. Get the full story HERE.

Ding Dong Lawyer Dinged For Showing Dong

South Carolina courts have disbarred attorney Jacob Leon Parrott based upon a history of sexual misconduct including indecent exposure and voyeurism. Get the full story HERE.

‘No Accident’: Conservative Pastor Says His Prayer Responsible for Ruth Bader Ginsberg’s Death

Conservative Texas pastor Robert Henderson of Waco’s Radiant Church said Sunday that Ruth Bader Ginsburg died because he prayed for it to happen. Get the full story HERE.

Florida man says school forced son to take off Hooters mask

A Florida man says he has no idea why his son’s fifth-grade teacher forced the boy to change his coronavirus mask, which featured branding from the restaurant Hooters. Get the full story HERE.

Suspicious footage of a ‘UFO’ hovering over New Jersey, Boston and Facts behind the viral footage

Twitter went crazy after a video of an identified object, flying over a part of New Jersey, went viral on TikTok and Twitter. Get the story HERE.

YouTuber explains why he live streamed himself pooping on Nancy Pelosi’s driveway

He said he did so as a “peaceful protest” — but admitted it was a “joke that got out of hand.” Get the full story HERE.

Woman sentenced to jail time for attacking McDonald’s employees because she didn’t get a cookie

A judge sentenced a 24-year-old woman to 90 days in jail after she climbed through a McDonald’s drive thru window and attacked three employees because she did not get a cookie. Get the full story HERE.

Guests horrified as a wedding descends into carnage with the bride brawling in a field & guests passed out on the floor

Get the full story HERE

Mike Tyson Told Joe Rogan That He’s Gotten Erections Due To Being Aroused By Fighting Someone

Mike Tyson is returning to the ring, and with that we’re getting another look at the mindset of one of the most feared boxers on the planet as he gets ready for his next bout. Get the full story HERE.

Woman’s hand sanitizer use sparked a house fire

A mother of three from Austin, Texas is recovering after her house went up in flames when she said she used an off-brand hand sanitizer before she lit a candle at her home. Get the full story HERE.